I am a Duopolist in recovery. I have not kept track of the months since I last voted, but it was not long ago enough. I am still tempted to look for reasons I should vote. My friends who vote mock and deride me when I tell them I am a recovering voter. But I know I do not support that which voters support.
Still, I struggle. Some impulse drives me to vote for or against things, things and persons which I know nothing about, which I neither support nor oppose. I can’t help it. I am still wanting to vote for something. But I can no longer support that which voters support.
I used to vote. I voted for a color. I am recovered from addictive color voting. But I now find myself wanting to vote against people. Against incumbents. Perhaps because they’ve been screwing us over so recently– the non-stop wars, fracking, too-big-for-trial, cable company buddies, media megamergers, surveillance, prosecuting whistlesblowing and press, inside-dealing, the usual.
I’m thinking that if I cannot resist voting, that maybe I should just pick the guy I want to get the the bags of money from the donors, lobbyists, taxpayers, and not think about the perks and pension. I can’t think too much.
I’m in an early, highly emotional withdrawal phase. I’m feeling some guilt. And some hate. I want to watch my incumbent lose. But imagining his suffering– his feigned classy concession, his beautiful family and fake smiles, all the miserable campaign volunteers, the inappropriate balloons– wanting to witness his karmic justice makes me feel like an animal torturer, like some psychopath who pulls wings off birds. Just because.
I need help. I don’t want to come home with the “I Voted” sticker on my lapel. I need to move to the next step. I must turn to my Higher Power so I can rise above this impulse to vote for the “replacement evilist.”
Please help me. I want to just say no. To stay home.
But, lord help me, I hate this son of a bitch.
Maybe enough to replace him with the next son of a bitch.